6.27.26
an unfinished thought, maybe ill fully articulate it another time
Being caught in a snare means certain death in nature. There is no mercy for that which finds itself caught in one without the intervention of those who set the trap.
A creature of prey will stay there, and wait until death slowly beckons as it starves. That would be the best case scenario, in reality, it will likely be picked at by scavengers in its position of powerlessness.
A predator has an inverse response. Its adrenaline will peak to a degree in which, if not regulated, will alone kill it if sustained for longer than a few minutes. In its fear, it will opt to chew its own foot off to escape. This reaction will result in the same fate however. If not blood loss, starvation will kill it. If not starvation, infection.
A snare means certain death.
My initial reaction is to admire the predator, the wolf. The wolf in an act of desperation endures immense pain and suffering in resistance of its own entrapment. It spends the fleeting time it has left in freedom.
But the lamb has no canines to sink into its feet. In fact, its teeth have never felt the inside of another beings body to begin with. It will spend its last moments fully aware of what awaits. It will likely get to see the sun rise and set one more time, and then it will take its last breath. There is very little struggle beyond the point in which the snares teeth take hold.
The wolf opts for the path of pure struggle, in a zero sum game that has already ended.
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Calm down billy goat, life is in the moment until the end
I killed a field mouse today. That marks the third animal I’ve ever killed. It was burrowed safely in its pile of hay. Cozy in its solitude. It knew not of the man coming with a shovel. It knew not that the man would bury that shovel deep within its chest in one strike. It knew not that the man had no clue of its existence til it was too late. It died quick, but I know it was still agonizing. I hate killing animals.
I killed a bird a few days ago. It was the second animal I’ve ever killed. I was invited to a company bird hunt. I would be out of place to decline. It makes no sense to me. Where is the satisfaction in killing an animal that was placed in a field the very same day, its sole purpose to be shot dead? Yet I participated, and the bird went down. I still didn’t like the feeling. The pointer dogs were neat though, such amazing creatures.
The first time I killed an animal was last winter. It was in a marsh, tucked right next to the sea. Kodiak is a truly beautiful place, I’m a city mouse, but that silence never leaves your mind. The shot landed in its spine. It died quick, I was glad. I dragged its corpse to shore. It was still warm, and as such my instinct was to make sure I didn’t hurt it while I dragged it by its legs. Obviously that was pointless. Later, another doe was shot, not by me this time. It ran off into the woods, and we followed the trail. It laid in its blood, not making a noise as we mistakenly passed it. It wasn’t until it was found that it plead. I offered to kill it quick with my 9mm, yet that wasn’t its fate. Instead, a knife dragged along its throat.
Later that week I saw a billy goat atop the mountain I had spent the day climbing. It was staring down the mountain. Following its gaze, was a bear, eating one of its herd mates. It didn’t attempt to flee for its life or use the death of its friend as a means to get ahead of the bear. It just watched. As did I.
I wonder to myself. What is better? To be eaten by the bear or killed by man?
I wanted to be a soldier as a child. I knew not the full weight of death. As a teenager, I told myself I could never bring death unto another. I now am aware that, unfortunately, we are animals, just like the bear. Luckily we are a animals with empathy. That would include me, I am aware this entry kinda makes me seem fucking insane. But then I see the horrors the Palestinian people endure. I see an innocent woman shot in the face for peacefully driving her car away from someone who has no true authority over her. I see thousands upon thousands of livestock animals killed in the upmost depraved ways for our consumption. I watch as the man who was elected by the majority of my fellow citizens gets away with being a pedophile. I watch as humans are replaced by the machine by our oligarchs so they can make a buck. I watch as our oligarchs convince the common man that somehow the minorities in our society are the ones destroying it. I watch as the people with the sole task of making our lives better slowly destroy the world around us to help billionaires hoard even more wealth. I watch as the prospect of owning anything in life is dwindled for that same reason.
And I start to understand the bear.
Sorry little mouse
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merci