April 13th, 2026
Just feel like writing :p
Haven’t written here in a while, pretty sure the entry below this one is my last not rly sure tho. I have the will to write something here for once so I’m gonna take it while I can. Nothing poetic or valuable will be found here, just yapping.
Fishtank.live just ended today… I’m gonna miss it. I always tell myself when a new season starts that ill not be a fat chud and just watch the daily recaps but then I find myself eventually watching it all day every day till the end. Alot of genuine nazis flock to the show due to Sam Hyde’s influence over it but when you strip that back it really is SUCH a good show man. James Drake W.
Uhhhhhh what else can I talk about uhhhhhhh idk I guess nicotine I did start using it crazy style for a bit. I was double decking 9mg pouches several times a day which is fucking crazy. I’m back down to just single 3mgs at a time now and I plan on reducing even lower. Lame topic onto the next. I could talk abt music but id rather keep that in my actual music log.
Got back on Hinge, still sucks as bad as I remember it. I think this marks like the 4th time i’ve mentioned Hinge on here but I rly don’t care. I’m absolutely jaded at this point when it comes to talking to new ppl. For most of last year, each time I talked to someone new I would imagine where it could go and get excited. Admittedly that did go a bit too far one time buuuuuuut that’s in the past and I’ve learned from it. If you still visit here, uhhhh… hi.? Back on topic tho that sense of possibility is absolutely and utterly obliterated at this point. It’s absolutely my fault too, I get plenty of matches, just cant bring myself to care anymore. I’m sure this is how everybody feels atp tho. Industrial revolution and its consequences and allat :p.
What else can I say….. Its spring now that’s pretty swag. Seasonal depression really wasnt all too bad this time around. Sometimes I wonder if its actually bipolar but that’s a diagnosis for future me to figure out. I also seriously wonder if im high functioning autistic as well, then again tho, future me’s issue.
alright im bored thats all gn
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merci
February 12, 2026
could you still tell I'm rotting?
got this far, still saying "i wish i knew"
i'd laugh, but it's not funny anymore
it's nice as an idea, but it just stays as one
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merci
I forget the date for this one, so lets say
February 4th, 2025
i want it all, i want nothing
I can’t remember the last time my chest burned with emotion. Whether it be heartbreak or anything adjacent. The kind of feeling that makes it impossible to eat. You’d think that’s a good thing, but I almost miss it funnily enough. Theres a completely oposing feeling I stumble upon from time to time though, that would be limerence.
Limerence is a devilish bastard. It sneaks up on me when I don’t have my guard up, and by the time its festered it’s a hard thing to break out of. I’ve suspect that it stems from inaction. I’m a person of obsession. I struggle HEAVILY with all or nothing thinking. Usually my conduit for this way of living is to obsess over hobbies, most of the time music. However, during times of burnout or boredom, I find myself in states of limerence. I won’t describe it, we all know what it feels like.
I truly do think its the opposite of that burning feeling you get. As if its a corpse you don’t throw into the fire, so as a result its just left to rot until nothing is left.
I finally found my conduit again though, music takes the forefront of my mind again. I feel like I am making good progress now too!! My ability to write actual chords is becoming much more consistent and now I feel like I might be able to write cohesive pieces within the next month. Maybe I’ll eat those words. Time shall tell.
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merci