I forget the date for this one, so lets say
February 4th, 2025
i want it all, i want nothing
I can’t remember the last time my chest burned with emotion. Whether it be heartbreak or anything adjacent. The kind of feeling that makes it impossible to eat. You’d think that’s a good thing, but I almost miss it funnily enough. Theres a completely oposing feeling I stumble upon from time to time though, that would be limerence.
Limerence is a devilish bastard. It sneaks up on me when I don’t have my guard up, and by the time its festered it’s a hard thing to break out of. I’ve suspect that it stems from inaction. I’m a person of obsession. I struggle HEAVILY with all or nothing thinking. Usually my conduit for this way of living is to obsess over hobbies, most of the time music. However, during times of burnout or boredom, I find myself in states of limerence. I won’t describe it, we all know what it feels like.
I truly do think its the opposite of that burning feeling you get. As if its a corpse you don’t throw into the fire, so as a result its just left to rot until nothing is left.
I finally found my conduit again though, music takes the forefront of my mind again. I feel like I am making good progress now too!! My ability to write actual chords is becoming much more consistent and now I feel like I might be able to write cohesive pieces within the next month. Maybe I’ll eat those words. Time shall tell.
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merci
February 12, 2026
could you still tell I'm rotting?
got this far, still saying "i wish i knew"
i'd laugh, but it's not funny anymore
it's nice as an idea, but it just stays as one
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merci