12/5/2025 - Its crazy to think that in a couple weeks another year will have passed me by. I made a promise to myself earlier this year that I would make the most of it, and maybe I’m selling myself short but I feel like I came nowhere close to that promise. In all honesty, comparing myself to who I was in January, I like myself a lot better now. That being said, I cant shake the feeling that I still just didn’t do enough. Time has a funny way of showing you exactly what you needed to know just when you think its too late. I probably matured the most this year compared to the rest I’ve spend in adulthood. Due to that fact however, the weight of times passing is significantly heavier. I’m still really fucking stupid in a lot of ways tho, and I like it like that.

12/8 - Typically you'd think something like this would have the entries going upwards rather than downwards huh? Well this is my website and also ur dumb.

I deleted all my socials a few days back, off my phone at least. I know realistically they're gonna be back in the very near future but I wanna ride this wave of motivation for as long as possible and I catch myself doom scrolling my days away way too often recently. Its such a cliche to say but it really is so relieving to not have the noise in ur head that social media creates when Its in your pocket 24/7. Oh yea on that note I have another to delete, H**ge. Yea that shits never coming back. Crazy how not even relationships are safe from the grasp of capitalism. Everybody on there being engineered to make themselves another corpse in the algorithmic meat market. Admittedly I've kinda just lingered there for the past like 5 months farming attention and not really engaging which is kinda pathetic. good riddance.

I wonder if I'm just in a state of obsession right now though. I haven’t been able to derive any joy from video games or tv for months now, and now I've went and deleted my other source of comfort.... which leaves me to either create or enjoy myself in the moment with those around me. That cant be unhealthy right??? Reasonably speaking the best thing is to have balance but I genuinely just don't work like that.