Less is more, a concept I’m trying to internalize

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merci

↓↓↓↓↓↓ NEVERMINDDD ↓↓↓↓↓↓↓↓

12/25/2025- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJEj2lOp__Y

I watched this video all the way through while practicing my piano scales after the usual Christmas morning stuff. It was nice, it makes me feel less alone in my circumstance. I relate to Dan Hentschel in so many ways, and I feel like many others do too. To see someone harbor such vitrail, raw emotional dread while also playing such a silly character online is something so unique. To have context on what Im about to write about you might have to watch that vid. I’m writing to myself here though… so that sentence is redundant.

I worry that if I keep acting the way I do, treating my life the way I do, I’m going to end up miserable. No matter how hard I push myself to chase my dreams, no matter how much I “lock in hahahahahahaha” I feel like I’m going to regret it. I tend to self isolate. I can count my friends on one hand and I only have them In my life because they are such truly amazing people that still bother to check up on me when I disappear from them. Those people don’t live in Utah. Truly speaking I know no one here and I’ve lived here for…. 7 YEARSWTFFFFFFF. And its my fault. Many people have tried to reach out to me, connect with me, tried to hang out, and I’ve let each and every one of those connections wither away. I hate to bring this up because the concept has become so tiktokified but I really do have such a bad case of hedgehogs dilemma. No matter who I talk to I feel like I’m such a burden on their existence. I know exactly why I feel this way, but I don’t feel like getting into it. For the longest time I coped by playing video games with the friends I grew up with and that was enough. But I genuinely cannot do that anymore without the voice in the back of my head telling me about how much of a waste of existence this is. Honestly, I cant do anything without that stupid voice. I hear it while writing this shit instead doing something productive.

in fact, yea I cant write anymore. Merry Christmas

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merci